So, I have been thinking a lot lately. Errm, but am still trying to figure out what it is that I’ve been thinking about. I think, it’s mostly about my future, my parents, my life, and what I am believing. God, I guess it’s more that what I’ve said just now. So, Lemme break it down.
Here they come..

1. Life
I tried to talk about it with my boyfriend. I asked him about his family business that he is about to take over. And actually, I seem to envy those people. I, myself, can’t even figure out what I am going to do later on. People says and what I used to think that ‘doing whatever you love to do will lead you to success’. Hey yeah my dear friends and dear past of me, it isn’t that easy. I just could imagine what I was thinking when I enrolled in Le Cordon Bleu right after I just graduated from my degree. I might have lost at some point. I was selfish back then. Remembering that my dad is almost his 58 and my mom’s 55. In fact, my dad has already bagging for his pension. AND I’m still trying to live ‘young, wild, and free’ on my almost 22. I was a real jerk to my parents. I don’t know what exactly happen to me these few months. I have this kind of hurtful regret feelings on everything that I might have and haven done. It seems like I am going through my maturing stage which is not easy. If it’s easy, I wouldn’t have screamed it all out here. This is the only place that allows me to say and express whatever I want to say and of course without any replays even I need it so much but I don’t wanna talk it to other people and let them think that I must be crazy or something.

Speaking about success, I am afraid that I won be able to make it like my parents do. Both of them are my sudden hero. Why? I used to spend 20 years of my life hating them. Okay, not exactly hate as hating them. I was like teenagers in general who at his or her point of life hated they parents for some reasons. Now that I finally realize it was no reasons at all because most of the reasons that I was hating them became more make sense DAY BY DAY. Everything that I do today, I will reflect it to then and say ‘yeah, now I know’. This is the conversation between the teenagers me and today me.
Teenager Fitri: “My dad always forces me to get a great grade and he wants me to be a successful business man like him!”
Today Fitri: “Hey, are you a dump? Your dad never did that! He did not mean anything you said! He loves you more that himself! He works hard only to feed you and try to make you able to feed yourself in the future. He’s been working hard for you and all he wants is for you to love what you are doing no matter thing goes. All the things he said, if it was somthing bad, he is just being worry about you. Don’t you realize what are you today? It’s because and thank for both of them! Your mom and your dad are the best here that I’ve seen so far! You eat good food everyday, you dress well, etc but how about them? They are humble more that you know. They eat and dress only to satisfy their needs. You? TO SATISFY WHAT YOU WANT!!! It’s time for you teenager Fitri to stop messing up with your life! It’s time to give yourself a SELFMANAGEMENT and time! Clock is ticking! They can’t spend they whole life to wait for you. It’s harsh to say but it’s time for you to think about it. Change you way of treating them. Change your way to change your parent perceptions about you. They are great people who deserve a GOOD LIFE.”

Now, it’s all making me a lil bit dizzy. I know I am running out of time. But please Lord, give me more time. For my parents. I am begging. 

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I spent a lot of time being miserable. It’s like misery is an old friend. And it tricks you sometimes into thinking that it’s just always gonna be there and that you can’t be happy. But you can, you can walk away from pain. And I think being in love’s the best way to do it.
— One Tree Hill (via eletheowl)

(via a-thousand-words)

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If we only walk on sunny days we’ll never reach our destination.

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(Source: bvteme, via a-thousand-words)

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Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that by hating someone we hurt them. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do to others, we also do to ourselves.
Mitch Albom (via misswallflower)

(via a-thousand-words)

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